Hurricane

I really like the sound of rain.  It’s so soothing, even when it’s not raining I find I work best under the conditions of rainymood and smooth jazz Pandora.  I don’t really know why I opened up a word document and started typing actually, to completely change the topic.  There’s a hurricane outside and the emails I’ve been getting are making it seem super serious, but if you just look outside… It’s just another rainy day, BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY INSIDE AND CAN’T GO OUTSIDE FOR ANY REASON.

It’s going to be an interesting term.  I can already tell.  It’s only been half a week, but I can feel it in my bones.  The things that happen this term will make or break me.  And the work load hasn’t even picked up yet.  Well that’s probably because I’m not ever too worried about school work because you just do it and then it’s done.  Haha, that actually works with everything.  If you do it, it will be done, because you just did it.

Okay, getting a little weird up in here Dave it’s like you’re talking to yourself.  But isn’t that why I write this blog?  I have all these thoughts and feelings pent up inside me.  And I actually DON’T think I can deal with them.  I can’t just sit here alone and be comfortable just being in my own skin.  I don’t know why.  I’m looking for something, but I don’t know what.  It’s like the worst invention in Harry Potter.  The remembrall or whatever it is.  It tells you when you’ve forgotten something, but of course you’re not going to remember otherwise you wouldn’t have forgotten it.   I’m looking for something but I don’t know what.

Yes, the proverbial God-shaped hole that you try to fill with a bunch of things whether it be money, cars, girls, games, sex, drugs and the like.  But I feel like I’ve been a part of that community for so long.  I’ve never known anything else.  But then that gets into the question of how I've definitely never felt this lost when I was in that phase.  But I also can’t imagine myself going back to be that same person, at least not at WPI.  I don’t know. I really don’t know.

And of course the next logical step at this point in time is to go lose myself in something because it’s rather unsettling to be in this state for too long.  Or I could just wallow in sadness and listen to music and the rain rhythmically splattering on the ground outside my window. We’ll see. We will see.

Just gotta keep on keeping on.