Ambiversion

There’s nothing really going on in my everyday life.  Everyone else seems to be so busy and I just do nothing and sit on my ass all day.  Regretting choosing WPI and not getting more involved on campus, but perhaps it would’ve been easier had it been a different school?

I dunno. I’m weird because I’ll do any activity because for me it’s the people you do the activity with that makes it fun.  Sure skydiving would be awesome, but if you do it by yourself, it’s far less exciting.  Life is meant to be a shared experience.  That’s what I think at least.

Even crappy/boring things can be made a lot more fun by just having a friend along.  I don’t really understand what’s brought about this change in me.  I used to be fine sitting inside my ass all day playing video games or watching movies/anime by myself.  I need social interaction.  Extroversion.  Introversion.  Where do I fit?  Am I both?  But by that case, aren’t I really just an introvert who sometimes can put on an extroverted face?   But then why do I get antsy after spending most of my days alone in my room?

Community.  I believe I’m looking for community.  A fraternity would have been a community.  A community perhaps not quite suited for me, but a community nonetheless.

Three years, I tried to find community where I was used to it being.  But I didn’t find it, now I’m just lost.  I have good friends here, yet why do I still feel so alone?  Why am I unhappy? Am I actually unhappy?  I must be because I’m fairly certain I’m not happy. Which I guess means I am unhappy.  Why?  What am I running from?  Am I running or am I hiding?  Something needs to wreck me.  But at the same time, I’m scared of what that will look like.  Do things truly have to be destroyed before they can be made new again?  Sounds so cliché.

Man this it’s like I’m writing poetry, I don’t even know what I’m saying.

Weird faith games.  Weird faith games…

Winter break should prove to be interesting.